Real friendships

For most of the history of this system, “social goals” meant a worksheet on greetings or a small-talk role-play. That is not friendship. Friendship is two people who chose each other, who keep choosing each other, and who do things together that they both enjoy.

The Lanterman Act gives California the legal language for this — services have to support people in living the most integrated life possible — but the funding stream for “friendships” is rarely labeled that way. You have to build it from pieces.

What it takes to build real friendships

Frequent, repeated contact in a low-pressure setting. Friendship grows out of seeing the same people week after week — at a class, at a job, at a meetup. One-off events do not produce friendships.
Shared interest. People bond over the thing they both care about, not over a shared diagnosis. Hobbies, faith, sports, gaming, art — start there.
Logistical support. Rides, schedules, money for the coffee. Without this, a friendship will live entirely on paper.
A willingness to follow your loved one’s lead. The point is not the friendships you would pick. The point is the people they want.

Where San Diego families have found real friendships

Best Buddies San Diego runs college and community chapters that pair adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities one-on-one with peer buddies.
Special Olympics Southern California — San Diego County organizes year-round practices and competitions in 12+ sports. The team becomes the social network.
Faith communities with established disability ministries (you will know within two visits whether the church or temple welcomes your loved one as a participant, not a project).
Adult day programs that prioritize community outings. The good ones bring the same small group to the same library, gym, or volunteer site week after week. That is fertile ground.
Self-Determination Program (SDP) plans that pay a community connector — someone whose explicit job is to help your loved one show up to the same events long enough for friendships to form.

What funding actually pays for

Friendship itself is not a service you bill. But:

Supported Living Services (SLS) can fund a staff member to facilitate social outings and stay in the background.
Regional Center direct services (RDI) pay for day program slots that emphasize community time.
SDP is the most flexible — you can budget for a weekly meetup, a monthly social group, transportation, and a specific person whose job is “help my loved one stay connected.”

What to write in the IPP

“Build and maintain at least two non-paid friendships, with the support needed to attend regular shared activities at least twice a month.” That is a goal a service coordinator at the San Diego Regional Center (SDRC) can fund. “Improve social skills” is not.

Common pitfalls

Treating "social skills training" as a substitute for actual friendship. Skills matter, but the goal is the relationship, not the curriculum.
Counting paid staff as friends in the Individual Program Plan (IPP). Staff are a bridge to friendship, not the friendship itself. The plan should name a path to non-paid relationships.
Forgetting that friendship needs logistics. Where do they meet? Who drives? Who pays for lunch? Without supports for these questions, "friends" stays in the abstract.
Letting a single negative social experience close the door for years. Friendships take repeated tries; the support team's job is to keep showing up.

By age

1821: Many San Diego friendships still come out of high school in this window. Push for the IPP to include "stay connected with friends from school" as a real, supported goal — rides, monthly meetups, shared classes at a community college.
2235: This is where families need to be most intentional. The school cohort scatters; friendships have to be built on purpose. Look at Best Buddies San Diego, Special Olympics chapters, faith communities, and special-interest groups (gaming, art, sports leagues).
Ages 55+: Friendships shrink as the cohort ages and people move to different living arrangements. Senior community programs, day program friendships, and family-facilitated reunions become the way to keep the social network alive.